…when I’m talking about Men’s Groups!
It’s been a process, trying to discover what it is in my life that I want. Finding a purpose is never easy. Seeking your desires, being clear about them and sticking to them with conviction can be hard for a twenty-something year old male. You have to make what you stand for count – for you most importantly!
I’ve been really impressed with some of the work others are doing with their own personal development recently.
Curiosity was raised came via my brother back in Canada; as a social worker specializing in men’s issues and domestic abuse towards men I never really understood what it was he really did. But if I’m honest I used to feel that when I spoke to him, I was speaking to the social worker more often than my brother.
This created barriers and suspicion in my own mind, but recently he tipped me towards a new way of taking ownership of my emotions because of the shit that’s been happening in my life recently: break-ups, break downs (in relating to my other brother), and just trying to deal with all the negative emotions and thoughts running around my head. It was a tumultous process, still on-going, and if I’m honest I haven’t been as present in my life as I’d like to be.
Until now!
Clearly, with a little research, a men’s group isn’t all about sitting in a circle and expressing your feelings (or naval-gazing, as some might say). It’s more about recognizing the opportunities to challenge yourself, rising up with your peers by your side and being called on your bullshit (or empty pledges) – finding guys to be true with. I honestly think if more men had access to these groups the world would be a different place.
Which is why I’m excited to have been made aware of just that kind of opportunity available here in Oxford, and it’s really all thanks to The New Man Podcast and the work Tripp Lanier has been delivering for over 10 years.
Now you may or may not be aware of the recent “controversy” stirred up when Alex Linsley, a Oxford University student, took to the airwaves (YouTube Video at the bottom of page) to explain why it was he started a men’s group. Compare this to the ideas he presents when he isn’t being grilled by the national media. It’s certainly inspired me to take things forward with my own development. I just need to find the right group of guys to challenge me to be better.
Beginning to see the forest for the trees, I can see there’s more to my life and my situation. I’ve recognised that a lot of my life has been spent trying to please others (for one reason or the other), taking their considerations ahead of my own. It has, at times, really kicked me in the ass too. I know I’ve made mistakes, I try to take ownership of them, but you’d think I would have learned by those mistakes already – sadly not. But now I’m starting to ask what it is I want out of my life, preparing to move in the direction I want, finding out what’s important to me and how I can achieve those goals! What do I want to take a stand for?
Turns out that I’ve really had a group of men to bond with all along…
The Rise of Publishing Men Together
Starting my career in book publishing, studying at Oxford Brookes, I met a group of guys who at first were more social acquaintances: meeting for beers, watching the football, and ‘shooting the breeze’ (as it goes). However over the last three years, we’ve all graduated and found jobs, but still remain in contact; I think this has allowed our sociability to come more rooted in an honest-form of friendship. Hell, a friendship can’t get more rooted more when two of you are living together! So if they’re willing to develop further and go beyond the surface, I think we could really explore our true desires, find out what we’re each looking for in life.
Publishing Men Together est. 2007
Now plans are obviously still in development but as we continue to move forward we all recognize that we want to make more of a contribution to our industry. This is including a fundraising drive for literacy. Plans are being shaped and research is being done, so through this blog and another (I’m sure I will create) I will keep you updated.
Thanks for reading.
